On the Road Again

            So I did it. I drove five hundred miles over six days from Milwaukee Wisconsin, through much of southern Michigan and then, eventually, to Detroit. In Milwaukee I spent four days at a writer’s retreat, met some wonderful new people (fellow writers), got great feedback on my short story, used lots of quiet time to continue to work on my book and, for the first time ever, slept in a dorm. Highly recommend the first. Not sure if I would have liked dorm life.

I have friends and family in Michigan and thought it would be a complete waste if I didn’t spend some time with them while I just happened to be in the neighborhood. Clearly, being from compact New England doesn’t prepare one very well for the distances in the much larger environs of the Midwest. What seemed like an easy thing in the planning stages hit me like a wet rag when faced with the reality of driving an unfamiliar rental car through Wisconsin, Illinois, (a tiny bit of Indiana) and Michigan by myself.

            Bruce and I took many road trips over the years. I took a memorable one a few years ago through Nova Scotia with my intrepid aunt. But as old as I am, and as much as I like to drive, I’ve never driven more than a hundred miles by myself. From the moment I picked up my rental at the Milwaukee airport and couldn’t figure out how to put the stupid thing in reverse, I knew there was no one to ask for help. I didn’t want to ask for help. I had to figure this out on my own. As a side note, I’d like to know why car manufacturers think that it’s a good thing to have so many different ways of putting a car in gear – dials, push buttons, three on the tree, stick shift, and god knows what else I’ve not encountered yet. People! Consistency is not a bad thing.

            Anyway, I figured out how to reverse and I set off. I ran into gridlock outside of Chicago but I commuted to Boston for thirty years so it didn’t really faze me much. The roads are kind of crappy in Illinois and Michigan, but again – New England. Potholes anyone? People kept telling me how bad Michigan drivers were but no worries fellow Massholes, your reputation as being some of the shittiest drivers in the universe (myself included) remains intact. There were some outliers of course, but by and large people used blinkers (what!) and moved from the passing lane back to the travel lane instead of hogging it. I have to say two things did astound me – the sheer number of semis. I swear they outnumbered regular cars two to one. And the fact that there are some cars on the road in Michigan that looked like Jed Clampett patched them together with chewing tobaccy. Apparently, there are no such thing as vehicle inspections there.

            But, I digress. The real and best part of this journey was spending time with these much loved people. There was my dearest friend’s lovely daughter whom I’ve known since she was six and liked to run under clothing racks in departments stores. She doesn’t do that anymore, though I think I would have enjoyed it. I got to stay in her beautiful house. We ate lunch on one of Michigan’s lakes. We watched movies. There’s still a strange disconnect when you knew someone as a kid and they grow up to be all kinds of smart and accomplished and well, grown up. It’s pretty cool.

  Then in Pawpaw Michigan, I reconnected with the friend that introduced me to Bruce back in high school. I haven’t seen him in over thirty years. He lost his wife just after Bruce died and we found there is an ineffable connection that goes beyond friendship – it’s that quiet understanding and support over shared losses. I am amazed that in those thirty years he hasn’t changed at all. Clearly, he’s got a portrait of himself hidden away in a closet somewhere.

And, I got to spend quality time in Detroit with my niece and her beau and the menagerie of dogs and cats. Now when we text or chat, I can picture them in their adorable home, and envision it as they sit down at their favorite breakfast place or go off to work. That dimple-cheeked cutie has grown up to be a wonderful and loving adult who is achieving success on her own terms. So proud. And her s.o. is her match.

The unlooked for and unexpected bonus was spending hours alone driving, with no books or movies or another person to distract me. Just music and the highway and my thoughts. I didn’t really think too much about what those hours would be like beforehand but there’s a rhythm to driving and watching the asphalt slip past in the rear view that is reassuring, comforting somehow. The last year has been both surreal and painful. I’ve felt very disconnected from the world as well as from myself, not quite sure who that person is whose eyes stare back from my mirror. This road trip hasn’t healed all the sorrow but it did push me forward on my journey. A little further on the path to whatever comes next. I am looking forward to the next road trip and discovering (and cursing about) new ways of gear changing. Not worried, though. I’ll figure it out.